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Shane Hoban’s Comedy Routine In Last Braintree Show Was Exactly What You Imagined It Would Be

 

Boston’s self described “hottest up and coming comedian,” former Quincy rapper Lil Shayne Hoban called Uncle Turtleboy over the weekend and said he would think about coming on the Live Show to redeem himself after these text messages he sent to a woman were made public:

He also offered a bribe to take the blog down, blamed everyone but himself for the predicament he was in, and then tried to guilt us into removing the blog about him.

Then last night UT called him during the Live show and it turns out he changed his phone number, so I’m guessing we will not be having him on the show.

Over the weekend a turtle rider sent us some video from his last show in Braintree, and his act was just….remarkable. For starters, he came out in a mask:

“If you guys are ready to pahhhhhtttyyy make some mother f******g noise right now, give it up for yourself, let’s go!”

No. Just no. That was exactly what I pictured in my head. A man with no talent laying the Boston accent on thick and swearing in order to overcompensate for his lack of humor. Probably should keep the mask on next time.

Just sayin.

His act included this bit about the Me Too movement, which was a disaster. Take a shot every time he says “ya know.”

You’re all dead from alcohol poisoning now, ya know?

“Ya know, Billy was talking about a Me Too movement earlier. I would tell me to go beyond the Me Too movement with Tom Brady. Tom Brady ya know, Tom Brady to me is like Chuck Norris, exactly like Chuck Norris, ya know? He has ummm, ya know, they have similar, ya know, characteristics with each other. Ya know. I don’t think Tom Brady, ya know, when he goes to church, ya know, I don’t think he prays to Jesus, I think Jesus prays to Tom Brady. I love Tom Brady. Ya know, I umm, I live in the city.”

Turns out he didn’t have to harass and demean a woman in order to destroy his career in standup comedy before it ever really began. He loves Tom Brady. So relatable, ya know? Tom Brady > Jesus. Get it?

Finally there was this nugget of comedy gold, which was the most uncomfortable moment in the history of live entertainment.

“In my mind it’s like I’m trying to like, I’m trying to calm down, know what I mean? I’m really trying to calm down and it’s like the Emperor from Staaaah Wars is in my head. I’m trying to say no and he’s like, location one kenobi, two kenobi, three kenobi, hey you can even have a creampuff too it will be ok. And ummm it’s scary, it’s absolutely scary what’s going on in my head, ya know? I suffer from anxiety and depression and I’m trying to get rid of this devil, ya know? Umm, I haven’t been in Braintree in a long time, ummm, I’ll tell you a funny story, ummm.”

The audience totally wants to hear about your demons when they pay good money to go out to a comedy show. As always, it’s all about you Shayne.

 

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